What to Do When Your Daughter Is a Cross Between Cruella de Vil and Ursula: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Chaos

AI created image of theoretical Cruella-Ursula daughter… that’s about right

1. Embrace the Drama: Your daughter’s theatrical nature is just a sign of her exceptional talent. When she starts wearing black, leather, and tentacles simultaneously, don’t panic. Your daughter’s unique combination of fashion sense and sass can be a real head-turner. Embrace her fashion choices, consider acting schools, and invest in some extra-strength hairspray to handle those fabulous tentacles!
2. Encourage Her Entrepreneurial Spirit: To keep your daughter entertained and prevent her from plotting world domination, her passions can be channeled into a thriving business. Support her in starting her own line of villainous clothing or an online underwater empire complete with sea witch merchandise.
3. Construct a Lair for Your Villainess-in-Training: Every aspiring villainess needs a place to call her own. Transform the basement into an evil genius lab, complete with trapdoors, secret passages, and a giant mirror where she can practice her evil laugh. Just make sure you have a good security system to keep her experiments contained.
4. Master the Art of Negotiation: With a daughter like yours, negotiations become a crucial part of daily life. Practice your bargaining skills and be prepared to trade her favorite snacks for moments of peace and quiet. A bag of salty sea chips and letting her binge-watch Stranger Things can go a long way in maintaining sanity.
5. Teach Her the Importance of Good Public Relations: As your daughter grows into her villainous tendencies, remind her of the importance of maintaining a positive public image. Encourage her to embrace the art of spin and keep her from getting entangled in the seaweed of scandal.
6. Turn Villainy into Volunteering: Encourage your daughter to use her wicked talents for good by volunteering. She can help design costumes, give dramatic readings of classic villainous monologues, or inspire younger girls in the local community with her dark arts.
7. Join Forces with the Light: Arrange meet-ups between your daughter and some wholesome, goody-two-shoes. Maybe they can help inspire a change of heart or at least teach her how to channel her villainous energy into a productive hobby like knitting.
8. Encourage Her Artistic Side: Crossbreeding Cruella de Vil and Ursula can result in some serious artistic talent. Encourage your daughter to express herself through art. Who knows, maybe she’ll create avant-garde fashion designs, dark soul music, wickedly good paintings, or write a bestselling book on teen girl villainy.
9. Therapy for the Dark Soul: If your daughter’s villainous tendencies start to worry you, consider enrolling her in a villain-themed therapy group. A skilled therapist can help your daughter explore her dark tendencies in a healthy manner. Who knows, she might just discover that there’s more to life than puppy coats and stealing voices.
10. Catch her “Doing Good”: Balance out her wicked tendencies by pointing out when she’s doing things “right”. Surprise her with a “Good On You” party. Invite her favorite rule-following friends, present her with a cape embroidered with a heart, and encourage her to adopt puppies instead of plotting their demise.
11. Start a Dark-side Support Group: Connect with other parents who are raising daughters with similar inclinations. Share tips, stories, and a good laugh over coffee while contemplating how your girls will conquer the world one day.
12. Be There, Unconditionally: No matter how much your daughter may resemble the unholy lovechild cross of Cruella and Ursula, remember to love her unconditionally. After all, beneath that fierce exterior lies a heart that’s just as capable of kindness and compassion — keep showing her the light.
13. Breathe, It’s Just a Phase… Maybe: While your daughter may currently be channeling her inner villainess, remember that it’s just a phase. One day, she might transform into a kind-hearted sweet pea who only uses her powers for good (or at least for minor mischief).

But, “good girls” never make history. They lead boring lives, unseen and trapped, in towers.

Maybe, our daughters are meant to live dark and wild.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire (inspired by my own low parenting thoughts) and not intended to provide actual parenting advice. Should your daughter show signs of world domination or questionable fashion choices, please seek professional assistance.